today started out in a rustic orange but now its back in the gray.
john and i were together last night for the first time in a long time....
it was great...until i looked in the corner and saw the baby clothes...he still has them...
i told him i was sorry again..he understands i didn't want to do it..says he loves me and that he knows it really wasn't my choice...
doesnt change that i did it though..

there is a girl at my school that's pregnant
god sure does like to throw it in my face...
i see her everywhere...
she is so pretty
so lucky
i see her walk and the way she rests her hand on her stomache just holding it...
i want to tell her..
tell her what i did..
tell her ow i didn't want to.. how it was my biggest mistake..
tell her to keeep it no matter what and love it till no end..
don't even really know her yet i envy her so much..

i miss tristian
everywhere i go know what i did haunts me
maybe its my punishment
i never should have listened...
i loved him
i realy did
i know u may think i didn't cuz i let them take him from me but just so u know....
just b4 they knocked me out...

i asked her not to do it through the tears....
and then i woke-up to pain...

guess thats what i get for not letting my screams inside come out...

wish they would have killed me too..